she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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