the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
