Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
