I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
