but the lizard people decide everything anyway
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
50% drunk capacity currently
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
