I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
