wat bout pragnant strippers??
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
