Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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