fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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