Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
