Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
