just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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