ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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