Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
