CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
