meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
