get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
