and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
do herpes really smell.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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