I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
