I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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