He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
