Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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