tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
