You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
