We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
