I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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