Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
