I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
