At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
