You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
