I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
