ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
