Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So vagazzling was a success
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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