My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
