i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
