Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
