oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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