I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
