Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
