i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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