he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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