Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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