My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
