He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
