I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
