There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish life had little blips of pornography
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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