Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
