babies were throwing up all over the place
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
