I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
