I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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