the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
