There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
